Separation Anxiety

Monday I was busy cleaning house since we were having company for dinner. My old friend Julia Lasater was coming by with her fiance, Trevor. Since Julia is allergic to cats I put Max in the bedroom, strapped Abigail in the Ergo Carrier, and went to work cleaning up all the cat hair.

At one point I had to put something in the bedroom, and when I went inside.... Max was curled up in Abigail's Pack N Play (where she's been sleeping since we came home from the hospital). Max had been so good about not jumping in there that I had finally overcome my fear of him getting in while Abigail was sleeping and accidentally hurting her, but now I was mortified to see he had discovered it as a new napping place. I yelled and screamed at him to get out and scolded him harshly. I went back to cleaning and later came back in the bedroom to check on him.... he was in there again!!! I tried to get him out but he scurried underneath the changing area. I pulled his tail but he still wouldn't budge, so I reached my hand in and grabbed him by the nape of his neck, picked him up and threw him out of the bed again shouting "No!" When I went to check on him a third time and found him in there yet again I shook the whole pack n play which scared him into jumping out. Later in the evening, Dusty would find him there again.

I knew what I had to do. I only had two options: Put Max out of the bedroom, or put Abigail out of the bedroom.

Of course the first instinct is to put Max out. I was mad at him already so why not? But realistically that meant moving all of his things... and him scratching at the door all night. Besides, this was Max's bedroom... Abigail was just visiting since she has a bedroom of her own across the house.

I hadn't planned on moving Abigail to the nursery until she was at least 2 months old... or until I was ready.... but I figured this would be my motivation to make the move now.

I was surprised by how sad I was! I wanted to cry... I felt like Abigail was going off to college being so far away. The house suddenly felt huge. I felt like I was going to miss her so much, which is silly because we'd both be sleeping anyway. I can't explain why I felt this way, but was relieved when Dusty said he felt sad too. I suddenly realized just how attached I was becoming to Abigail. I've never been apart from her for more than a couple hours. I went back and forth on my decision all night and finally decided to give a night in the nursery a try.

I hooked the monitor up right next to my bed and put it on full blast. Dusty and I could hear her clock ticking, which gave me peace knowing the monitor was doing its job.

Well I was pleasantly surprised by how well the night went. Now after two nights of Abigail sleeping in her room I am very happy about the change. Going to see Abigail in her room gives me the opportunity to rock her in my new chair and enjoy her beautiful nursery we worked so hard on.

So one hurdle jumped, a million more are soon to follow. Every day I learn more and more about my daughter, myself, and motherhood. What an amazing adventure.