One Year Ago Today

One year ago today... I woke up just like any other day to go to work. Rolling out of bed I made my groggy path to the restroom. Surely that wonderful monthly gift is here now. I felt horrible, so it must be time. After using the little girls room I am shocked to find that I am yet another day late. Sighing with frustration I am certain that the delay of my cycle must be due to the amount of stress I've been feeling recently at work. I've learned by now that my body reacts heavily to stress, but to ease that little whisper in the back of my mind I pull out a very old pregnancy test from under the sink. After laying the test on the sink I proceed to stare into my closet trying to decide what to wear. Rubbing my eyes I glanced back at the test, certain to see a negative result, in fact I'm glancing at it as it's on the way to the trash can. But before I dropped it I notice something different. A faint pink line in the "pregnant" box. Surely I am imagining things! The line is very faint. Perhaps this test is too old. I quickly made a plan to go to Wal-Mart to take another test, there's just one problem... Dusty and I were carpooling.

While Dusty was in the shower I jumped back in bed telling him I don't feel well and would like to sleep a little longer. I told him I'd catch a ride with good friend and neighbor, Tiffany. I tried to hide the real reason for my staying behind, but he's too smart. He could tell I was holding something back so I ended up showing him the pregnancy test explaining how I am uncertain of the results. He laughed and said I am "Half Pregnant." As he left for work he said that perhaps on the way to work Tiffany and I can stop and get another test, but as soon as he's gone I knew I couldn't wait that long. I jumped in the van and drove to Wal-Mart. I bought two digital pregnancy tests and ran to the Wal-Mart restroom. No, I couldn't even wait until I got home. Lucikly, being so early in the morning, no one was there.

There's no denying it this time. Two sticks in clear digitized print read "Pregnant."

My first thought... "What have I done??"

Looking back I am surprised by my reaction. I had been having "baby fever" for almost a year so why was I so scared all the sudden? I felt dizzy... my heart was beating a mile a minute... in a haze I made my way back to the van. I was nearly hyperventilating the entire drive home. Instinctively I parked the van and walked across the street to Tiffany's house. Later she told me that when she opened the door she was so scared by the look on my face she was about to rush me to hospital. But then, she saw the pregnancy sticks in my hand and brought me inside for a drink of water. With her help I called in to work due to some personal "family" reasons. Family...

Then she drove me to Dusty's office. As we pulled into the parking lot, my cell phone rang. It was Dusty calling to see if I had taken another test. I told him to come outside... then he knew.

We only had a few seconds together as he had a meeting to get to. But he seemed to be handeling the news a lot better than I was. I think I was still in shock. I spent the rest of the day talking to fellow-mom Rachael and looking at baby stuff at Target, then took a much needed nap.

Later that night Dusty and I jumped in the car and on adrenaline drove 5 hours to San Antonio to surprise our parents. Those 5 hours were so special. Talking about baby names, estimating the due date, letting it all sink in. The whirlwind trip to San Antonio was so exciting. I was beginning to lose some of my fears and become excited about how much our lives would change. Our parents were thrilled, my mom even gave us our first baby gifts!!

It's hard to believe all this happened a year ago. That Abigail has been a part of my life for a year. As I head into my first real Mother's Day... I am so grateful. Abigail was an unexpected surprise. The best kind of gift. She's more than I could have ever hoped for. My heart aches with love for her, and it is a feeling I will never be able to fully put into words.

One year ago today... my life changed forever. And I couldn't be happier.


(This pictures were taken the day after we learned we were pregnant)